Fight and Fret
by Silent Nacht
Summary: In the year after Lily Evans leaves school, she is faced with many worries. Her future, the war, and her relationship with James Potter being the foremost in her mind. JPLE.


Details/Notes: I wrote this fairly quickly late last night, and while it has been quickly proofread, I'm sure there are mistakes left. I hope everyone reading enjoys anyway. Please review! I love hearing what you think, and it fuels me to write more stories. I really wanted to write something that showed James and Lily as teenagers thrust into extraordinary circumstances, much as their son will be years later, and how that might have influenced them and their relationship with one another. In case it wasn't obvious, I do not own Harry Potter. Please check my profile for a more detailed disclaimer, and the other stories I've written!

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_Fight and Fret:_

_Lily Evans doesn't know what to think, James isn't sure how to help._

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In most relationships there tends to be a general worry over how much one person loved the other, and vice versa.

Lily never had this problem with James. In fact, she worried that James loved her too much.

He was a teenage boy who just left school. Lily thought that meant he should be chasing skirts left and right, and revelling in his first feelings of real independence. But as always his life seemed to revolve around her.

It was flattering. In a way it had always been flattering that someone could care that much about her, even when James was invested solely in acting like a prat and _shouting_ his love for her out for the entire school to hear.

He had stopped doing that now that they were making their way in the real world, but every day he could get off early from his auror training she would find him eagerly waiting on her parents' doorstep with a smile on his face and an outstretched hand beckoning to her.

Every time she saw him there, her breath caught in her throat, and she allowed herself to be dragged along on another of his pre-planned adventures.

She left research books lying upside-down. Her parents shaking their heads, and muttering knowingly about young love, and what a nice boy James seemed to be. If only they _knew_, Lily would think to herself.

It was as if, by taking his hand night after night, Lily was falling in the same love James had been trying to express for her since they were fourteen.

Her feelings for him were amazing, but when she returned home late at night, and was left snuggled in her childhood bed, she couldn't help being a bit scared of them.

Petunia was years old than her and she was just now getting involved with her first serious boyfriend. Her mum and dad hadn't gotten engaged until they were in their late twenties, but _Lily_ knew in her heart that if James presented her with a ring tomorrow, she would say yes.

No, more than that even. It would be as if there was no other option; their love for each other was that set in stone.

It felt inevitable.

She wished she had someone to talk to, but all of her school friends thought that James was terribly romantic (and always had, much to her annoyance), and more to the point, none of them would understand what she was trying to say.

Lily would be asked, well, you love him and he loves you, so it's perfect, right? And she would say yes, of course, and they would all agree that she was oh so lucky.

What if there was such a thing as too perfect?

In the world around them so many things were going _wrong_. What entitled her and James to have their own little bit of perfection?

Lily sighed, placing her hand against her chest and closing the Arithmancy book she had been staring at with unseeing eyes for long enough that the sun had faded, and the light in her room had dimmed.

James would be coming any minute if he had the time.

Her mum and dad were moving about downstairs, getting things ready for dinner, and if she strained her ears Lily could hear the faint sounds of the news.

She stood, stiff from too many hours leaning over her desk, and fluffed out her hair with her fingers as she moved in front of her mirror.

One thing she liked about muggles was the lack of backchat from inanimate objects. She pursed her lips, and stared at herself critically.

Her shirt was a bit wrinkled, and she had an ink smudge on her right forearm. James would probably tease her about it, but Lily found as she thought it that she didn't really mind.

In the mirror, her reflection gained a crease between its eyebrows as Lily's earlier worries intensified.

She couldn't help feeling a bit stupid about it.

Below her she could hear the sudden sound of the doorbell ringing, and her mother's heels crossing the hardwood floors to answer the door.

"Lily! Your Mr Potter is calling on you again!"

Unbidden, a smile jumped to life on her face, warming the darkened room with its brightness. She dusted imaginary dirt from the pleats of her skirt, and jogged down the stairs to meet James.

He was talking to her dad when she got to the bottom step, asking him about work. Her father asked him in turn how his studies were coming.

"It's great, really. Me and Sirius are still at the top of things. It's a bit depressing to realise how long we still have before we'll be seeing any action though," James' expression turned more solemn as he finished speaking, though when his gaze fell on her he perked up again.

"Ah, there's my beautiful Lily-flower," he laughed, crossing the room to meet her. Lily rolled her eyes, and shoved him on the shoulder.

"Don't you ever get tired of thinking up silly nicknames, Prongs?" she replied smartly, crossing her arms over her chest, and adding, "When are you going to explain that one to me anyway? Sirius calls you by it more than he uses your name."

"On the day we tie the knot, my darling," he teased, but the words shot straight to Lily's chest, and she felt her breath hitch.

"I don't know if we're quite ready," she managed to say, blushing darker than her hair and looking anywhere but at James' face.

Her mother laughed to their right, coming up to Lily's side and giving her a peck on the cheek before addressing James, "Perhaps not today, but I know you'll do right by her someday. You're a truly wonderful young man."

Lily watched as James' ears turned pink and his grin doubled. "Thanks, Mrs Evans. I love Lily so much, and it's wonderful being her boyfriend."

"Oh, isn't he sweet?" Lily's mum asked of her father, and Lily felt a bit like she was going to die of embarrassment.

She knitted her fingers through James' and bid goodbye to her parents in flustered tones, James calling his own adieu and thanking them for their hospitality as Lily took charge and dragged _him_ out the door, for once.

It was cool and there was a bit of wind out on the street. The two of them walked in silence for a few steps, until James turned to her, his smile fading into something more neutral.

"How was your day?" he asked, in that tone she only ever heard him use on her. Serious, warm, and with a hint of the desperate love she knew he felt for her.

She sighed, pushing back everything she wanted to say in favour of the easier answer. "It was okay. I got a lot of research done on warding, and how to tie it together with charms and such. I've been thinking about applying for a job..."

It was a touchy subject between them, just because neither one of them knew exactly how fast they should be moving. James had his pureblood traditions driving him, Lily had her muggle upbringing, and somewhere in the middle was how much they loved each other and the ongoing war.

If they waited, would James or her be killed before they got the chance? If they didn't, could they really be sure that this would last?

"Where?" James cut into her thoughts, abruptly drawing her back to the real world. "I thought you had too much going on with this Order work."

She sighed again.

James was staring deep into her, trying to catch her gaze. "The Department of Mysteries," she said softly, pursing her lips and looking at the pavement in front of her, "I would have access to texts that don't exist anywhere else."

"I get it," he said shortly, "but that place is so secretive. Merlin, Lily, you aren't allowed to talk about _anything_ you do."

"I know!" she snapped, regretting it immediately. Her shoulders relaxed, dropping several inches. "It's just an idea, James."

"I don't want – I mean. I want you to be _safe_," James sighed, running his fingers through his hair in a way completely different to how he used to. "Merlin. This is too hard. Can't we have fun and not worry about all this shit?"

"It wouldn't change anything," Lily said.

"I know. It's just all so bloody odd. I haven't seen Remus in four days, and Peter's off doing who knows what. We've been friends for so long. It feels like it's all falling apart."

Lily squeezed his hand tightly, feeling her eyes itch and burn with unshed tears. "I'm scared too, James. I feel like no matter what we do all I'll have to show for it is more worries."

She watched as his face cycled through different emotions. Anger, hurt, worry, before settling on an almost frightening mask of determination. "Well," he said, his voice steady, "if that's it, can't we just do what makes us the most happy?"

She closed her eyes, pausing in her walk, and causing James to do the same. "I love you," she admitted, "and that scared me too."

James' expression made her heart feel like it had been ripped from her chest.

"How can _that_ scare you?" he demanded, sounding hurt and desolate.

"It's just. It's too perfect! When we're together it's like nothing else matters, all I need is you. I'm not used to that, James, so it scares me. We're only eighteen."

She felt awful as she said it, but she also knew that it needed to be said. If they couldn't work through these feelings than maybe their love wasn't as perfect as it felt.

James was pushing his glasses up off his face so he could rub at his eyes, never letting go of Lily's hand.

"Okay," he said.

Lily felt anger welling up in her stomach. "Is that it?"

"What do you _want_ me to say, Lils?" he snapped, "That I don't know what to think, that I don't know why you're frightened of _this_," he held up their knitted fingers, and Lily felt her throat burn hotly.

"I've loved you for so long, and every time you say you love me back it's like this beautiful gift you've given me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what happens or how long that might be, and," he paused, his words tight, "I don't ever want you to be afraid of me."

Lily sniffled quietly, her eyes and throat burning, before inhaling and trying to put her mixed up feelings into words. "I'm not scared of you! I'm scared of how young we are, I'm scared of what I'm feeling... I'm scared of this. Of it not working out."

James' jaw tightened, and Lily could see the hardness in his eyes against the dimming light.

He pulled her close suddenly, leaving her gasping at the quick motion. Both of his hands were closed on her shoulders and he was staring down at her sharply. "Lily," he said, more serious than anything, "I won't ever stop being in love with you. Even if you end up breaking my heart into a million pieces and _stomping on them_. I love you. I love you, I love you, I always will. Okay?"

To her surprise, Lily found herself choking on sudden laughter, her head pitching forward to rest on James' collarbones, sobs mixing into her giggles, and leaving her out of breath and gulping air.

James ever-so-slowly loosened his grip on her shoulders, staring at her with concern. "Lily?" he whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, James," she sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm okay. I'm just so stressed out, and I've been leading myself in circles all day. I love you too."

James smiled nervously. Lily could see his Adam's apple bob as he worked to swallow. "I'm still looking for a denial on the heart-stomping business," he joked uneasily.

She giggled again. "I've never been _that_ mean."

"Of course not. But, Lily?" he said, blinking owlishly at her, "I meant all of that. I'm sorry if I'm taking things too fast, but this – what we have – it's real, okay?"

Lily smiled, still sniffling just a bit, and took his hands in hers, bringing them up to chest level. "Okay. Let's get something to eat."

His smile outmatched hers, and he squeezed their hands tightly. "Yeah, I'm starving. I think we can apparate now without being seen."

"That Indian place you like so much?" she asked unnecessarily.

"You know me so well," he teased, sneaking an arm around her middle and leaning in to peck her on the lips.

She let herself smile, feeling more open and free than she had in weeks, and teased him back, "Potter, is that what you call a real kiss?"

"No," he pulled back, angling his head as though sizing her up, "This is."

His lips met hers softly at first before the pressure intensified, and his tongue darted out to lick at her lower lip. He nipped at her lightly with his teeth as she opened her mouth to meet his, their tongues touching and electrifying them both.

Under the faint moonlight, wrapped in the arms of the boy she loved more than anything else in the world, Lily decided to stop worrying about their relationship.

The world was in enough turmoil as it was.

_End._

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End Notes: Thank you, everyone, for reading my story. Please take a moment and click the review button to your left. It's only a few seconds of your time, and infinitely precious to me!


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